Why Do People Only Value You When You Leave? The Gita’s Answer
There’s something oddly predictable about human nature: we recognize the value of something only when it’s slipping through our fingers. A friendship we never nurtured, a love we took for granted, a person we assumed would always be there—until they aren’t. And suddenly, what felt ordinary becomes irreplaceable. But why? Why does absence make the heart grow fonder? Why do people only realize what you meant to them after you’ve walked away? The Bhagavad Gita—one of the oldest and deepest philosophical texts—answers this with unsettling clarity. It doesn’t just diagnose the problem; it tells us why we suffer from it and what we can do about it.
1. Familiarity Creates Blindness
Krishna tells Arjuna that everything in life is fleeting. Yet, as humans, we struggle to grasp this. When something is always there—be it a person, a moment, or even good health—we assume it’s permanent. We stop seeing it for what it truly is: temporary, fragile, and worthy of appreciation.
Think about the sun. You don’t wake up every day in awe of its presence. It rises, and you move on with your day. But if one morning it didn’t? If the sky remained dark? You’d feel its absence with your entire being. People in your life do the same. They stop noticing your warmth because they think it will always be there. Until it isn’t.
2. The Shock of Emptiness Brings Clarity
The Gita teaches that the mind is clouded by illusion (maya). We get caught in distractions, failing to see what truly matters. And often, only a shock—a deep loss—can cut through the noise.
That’s why people realize your value when you leave. Not because they suddenly changed, but because they are forced to see what they refused to before. Loss sharpens awareness. It removes the layers of assumption and makes people confront reality: You mattered more than they understood at the time.
3. Desire Always Chases What It Can’t Have
There’s a reason why people suddenly want you back once you stop trying. The Gita explains that human desire is fueled by attachment (raga) and aversion (dvesha). We want what feels just out of reach and disregard what seems secure.
This isn’t personal. It’s the way the mind works. When you were present, your worth blended into the background. But the moment you left? You became the thing they couldn’t have—making them want it all the more.
4. Ego Hates to Lose
There’s another layer to this: ego. The Gita warns against identifying too strongly with pride and possession. But most people do. And when you leave, it’s not just your absence that affects them—it’s the loss of control.
They assumed you’d always be there. They assumed they could return whenever they wanted. When that assumption shatters, it’s not just love or appreciation that rises—it’s the sting of losing something they thought was theirs to keep.
5. The Answer? Live With Detachment, Not Bitterness
So, what do you do with this knowledge? Do you resent people for realizing your worth too late? Do you play the game, making yourself scarce just to be valued? The Gita offers a different path: detachment. But let’s be clear—detachment isn’t coldness. It doesn’t mean not caring. It means you no longer place your sense of worth in whether people recognize it or not. It means understanding that human nature is flawed, but your peace doesn’t have to be.
Krishna teaches that true wisdom lies in doing your part, giving your best, and then letting go of the need for validation. If someone doesn’t appreciate you while you’re there, it’s their blindness, not your burden. If they realize too late, that’s their lesson to learn, not your responsibility to fix.
Let Them Learn, While You Move Forward
The truth is, some people will only understand your worth in hindsight. Some will never understand it at all. But the lesson from the Gita is this: you don’t have to wait for their realization to know your own value. And when you truly embrace that? You won’t need to leave for people to appreciate you. Because you’ll already know—you were never the one who needed convincing.
